Another 3 year old piece of material (or piece of shit, maybe, I'm not sure), but one that I enjoyed at the time, and just had fun re-reading... note: none of this should be read with an "angry" tone. We all know I do this to be funny.
Originally posted: Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Son of a @!#*!
Honestly, I have had it with these celebrities and their "I have to give my baby a unique name!" I am all for leaving parents alone about stuff, becuase I am usually in the mindset of "It's not my kid, so it's not my place to say anything... I wouldn't want people doing that to me, so I won't do it either..." Now there are some cases, like when parents are doing really stupid and dangerous things and anyone with half a brain can see that it's NOT good for the kid. Then I may make comments. But unless a kid is being physically or mentally harmed, I leave it alone.
Having said that - honestly, this baby-naming thing is just out of control. There's nothing wrong with some originality, but, well... you'll see...
I was watching a program on VH-1 about celebrities and the ABUSIVE nature in which they bestow ridiculous names on their children.
I can't decide which one is the absolute worst one I've ever heard, but I do think I have a great candidate for worst ever.
By the way, the people that are blogging about this are stupid too (myself excluded, of course). I saw a list titled "Horrid Celebrity Baby Names" for 2003, and one of the runner-ups was "Lola St. John" (daughter of actor Kristoff St. John).
What? Why is "Lola" a horrid name? No no no. I am striking "Lola" from the list. Because let me tell you, if kids are anything like they were when I was little, when Lola and Apple are at the playground together, guess which one is going to get made fun of...
Here is the working list of celebrities who should be smacked about the head for picking horrid baby names:
~ Rob Morrow - daughter: Tu Morrow
~ Jamie Oliver - daughter: Daisy Boo Oliver (I wouldn't even include the name Daisy as horrid, but Boo? Daisy Boo is a cat's name, not a baby's name, although it's still not the worst...)
~ Gweneth Paltrow - daughter: Apple son: Moses
~ Victoria (Posh Spice) & David Beckham - 3 sons: Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz Beckham
~ (2009 note: I had John Travola in this space originally, and I took it out because given what happened to his son, I re-read what I wrote in 2006 and felt like a complete and total a-hole)
~ Rachel Griffiths/Andrew Taylor - son: Banjo Patrick Taylor (now, why couldn't they AT LEAST swap that? If they couldn't let go of "Banjo", couldn't they at least make that the middle name and let him be Patrick? Then he could just choose not to use his middle name, like me - I don't like it so I don't use it and no one ever has to know about it.)
~ Robert Rodriguez (guitarist) - 4 sons: Rocket, Rebel, Racer, Rogue and daughter: Rhiannon
...alright I can't let go of this one. Rocket, Rebel, Racer, Rogue and Rhiannon Rodriguez. Say that 5 times fast, I freakin' DARE you. That's just fucking child abuse right there. By the way, the name Rhiannon by itself never would have made my list. That's not horrid name.
(2009 note: I believe my bestie, Rhiannon, whom I didn't know when I wrote this, will be pleased to read that... LOL!)
~ Shannon Sossaman/Dallas Clayton - son: Audio Science Clayton
Um. Ok.
~ Marc Bolan (of T. Rex) - son: Rolan Bolan
What is worse than the actual name here is the fact that Bolan is not even Marc's birth name. I don't have the facts on whether he changed it legally or is just a stage name but still.
Now, what if Tanya Tucker started playing the rhyming game with baby names? With reproducing comes great responsibility, especially when it comes to name-choosing. Come on people - this is borderline anarchy. What if Brad Pitt named his daughter Clit?
Clit Pitt. I like it.
Didn't we learn how asinine this is when Zowie Bowie came along?
But still. If it's not even your actual last name, why would you do that tot he child? Sebastian Bach's wife and kids aren't named 'Bach', they have his real last name. However, now that I think about it - he's another one with the wacky baby naming....so let's explore that....
~ Sebastian Bach - two sons: Paris Francis Muir and London Siddhartha Halford. For one thing, why do they need two middle names? How the hell many Parises and Londons can there be? It can't be that confusing. I mean, the answer to that NOW is there are probably lots of Parises and Londons, but these kids are much older. Ok, whatever. Paris and London aren't even that bad, but once you start complicating it... oy! Then again, if they hit age 21 and look anything like their dad used to at that age, it probably won't matter what their names are.
~ Jermaine Jackson - and I swear this is my all time favorite stupid name - son: Jermajesty Jackson
Jermajesty? Jer-maj-es-ty? Jer... MAJESTY? >.<
I don't even have a comment that can do this one justice. The idiocy speaks - ne, screams, for itself.
...and the grand prize winner...and VH-1 seemed to agree with me on this, but it was my original pick anyway....
~ Jason Lee - son: Pilot Inspektor Lee
Pilot IN-SPEK-TOR!! This one disappointed me, because I really like Jason Lee. But PILOT F***ING INSPEKTOR? And with a "K" nonetheless!
And lest we forget to mention the newest brand of celebrity obnoxiousness:
Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt
You know what, I really think they should have just named her "Brangelina" and been done with it. It could be a brand new invented name. Honorable - I mean Horrible - mentions to Maddox and Zahara.
By the way, I'm officially pardoning the entire Phoenix family. Because with people like Jermajesty, Apple and Pilot God Damn Inspektor roaming around, seems that names like River, Summer and Rainbow really weren't bad at all.
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