Part 4 came to me as I was listening to the 90s channel recently, and they pulled out this (faux) gem from 1991's Badd boys, Sam, Kevin, Bryan and the one that looked exactly like George Michael.
"The song spent three weeks at number 1 on the UK Singles Chart and reached number 2 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100. It was the 10th best-selling single of 1991 in the UK. An alternate version also appeared on the New Jack City soundtrack."
I've tried to find the original video on YouTube for those who love a good "holy crap" flashback, and you'd expect it would be there, but no.
"I Wanna Sex You Up" - Color Me Badd
Come inside take off your coat,
I'll make you feel at home
Now lets pour a glass of wine
Cuz now we're all alone.
Not bad (sorry, I mean badd).
Nice, romantic situation happening here.
I've been waiting all night
so just let me hold you close to me
Cuz I've been dying for you girl
to make love to me
Cool. Still a nice scenario.
Could be a cheesey Valentine's card, but still... not awful.
Girl you make me feel real good,
We can do it till we both wake up
Coming as this does from a pussy group of people who think spelling "bad" with 2 Ds makes them, in fact, bad, problems were inevitable.
Run this suggestion by me again, please?
We can do it till we both wake up
*rubs eyes*
Sorry... one more time please?
We can do it till we both wake up
Note to Bryan, or whatever record company employee was hired to write this scheisse... you're doing it wrong. It works a whole hell of a lot better if you wake up beforehand. Trust me on this one.
Girl you know I'm hooked on you
and this is what i'll do...
Chorus: (I wanna love you down)
I wanna sex you up, All nite, (you make me feel good)
I want (to rub you down) I wanna sex you up,
Let me take off all your clothes.
See? This is why it's important to be awake while you're doing it. It's hard enough for a guy to get a bra open with both eyes open and an instruction manual. Can you imagine trying it unconscious?
Disconnect the phone so nobody knows.
Why? Just don't answer it.
People might think you're just not home. How will they KNOW you're having sex? And even if they knew, why do you care? You're having sex and they're not. Be proud. You're in bed with a smokin' hot chick (if you're lucky), and they're screwing around making phone calls. Send a tweet, post it on your Facebook. Go ahead. You're entitled. Unless she's married. Or you are.
Let me light a candle,
So that we can make it better.
You know, all this time you're spending playing around with phones and candles, you could be gettin' jiggy. Just a suggestion.
Makin' love until we drown.
Whoa, hey... what's happening? Some crazy aquatic form of auto-erotic asphixiation? Ok... they probably don't mean it that way, in which case it's just another very ridiculous lyric. I swear, if a guy said that to me, there would be no makin' love until we drown because I'd be way too busy laughing myself into the ER.
Girl, you know it feels real good.
Captain Obvious has arrived.
We can do it 'til we both wake up.
You're still doing it wrong, man.
Girl you know I'm hooked on you.
That's because you were alseep and couldn't get the bra off correctly.
Now your hooked to her. Maybe next time you'll listen.
And this is what I'll do.
(Chorus)
Make sweet lovin' all night long...
Feels so right it can't be wrong...
Don't be shy girl get with me...
Open up your heart and I'll set you free...
Knox in box.
Fox in socks.
Knox on fox in socks in box.
Socks on Knox and Knox in box.
Fox in socks on box on Knox.
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Suggestions for part 5 are welcome.
What craptacular musical poetry would you like me to rip to shreds?
I'm considering a tribute to Bret Michaels. *devil horns*
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