Never thought I'd be quoting Eminem

I came to a conclusion last night. I have just too much to keep inside, but it's also too much to let out. I'm not sure how that works, but I know it's the truth. Can't keep it in, can't let it out, so what do you do with it?

Maybe it was the birthday thing again. I'm not sure. It might have been because I let a friend do Tarot on me yesterday and the result said that while things in my life seem to be in place, I'm not proactively going after the things I want.

In any case...

It made me think of a closet... it's way too full and items are just barely staying in. If you have to open the door, it must be done fast and it also must be closed again fast so that all this extra stuff doesn't get out.

And you can't let all the stuff out, because that just messes up the whole house, gets in the way and other people don't want to deal with your crap all over the place because the truth is, even if your best buddies tell you they'll help you move, even lend over their pick-up truck or minivan, they really would rather not deal with your same old crap over and over. You're basically on your own. I mean hey, you bought all this bullshit, right? So it's your job to organize it, dust it, repair it, repack it or remove it.

That's where I ended up on Eminem's doorstep. I thought about that song of his, "Cleanin' Out My Closet". Granted, it's about a guy trying to let go of his horrible relationship with his mother... which has nothing to do with what I'm talking (or thinking) about, but underneath that, the message I get from it is getting rid of things you don't need to continue hanging onto.

I've done a great deal of that, which is good, but what happens when you get rid of the old stuff? You go right back out and get new shit, and maybe it was an impulse buy, or maybe you're a shopaholic, or maybe you really wanted and truly needed it. The packaging was ok, and the instructions seemed easy, because hey, you've used a food processor before. But they aren't all alike and one does not necessarily work like the other and sometimes it quits on you - maybe even sooner than you thought it might - and now it's just hanging around in the closet.

Everyday you go to get your coat and there it is and you are forced to see it, but you don't know what to do with it, or even what you want to do with it. Some people will keep it around because they might do something with it one day. Some people leave it there, and later take it out of the box again, thinking, "...maybe today it will work again?" But one day comes and goes, and all the stuff it still there, still not working, just sitting there looking at you. The skirt doesn't fit anymore, and the shoes are out of style. The ankle weights were just a ridiculous purchase and the box of dried up flowers from a guy are like a knife in the heart to look at. And why do I still have this damn food processor?

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to have a clean empty closet to start with every day? Maybe not. Then the cool items wouldn't be there, like the skirt that does fit, and the mix tape that reminds you of your high school best friend, and oh my god, the pictures from girls' night out '99. But all the crummy items wrapped in bags of hurt wouldn't be there either, and some days - only SOME - it seems like an easy trade off.

I put some of those items so far away that I forgot what they looked like. And you can't do that. If you forget what they look like, you might not recognize them if you see them again in the store, and you just might accidentally buy another one. And then before you know it, the closet is full again, and you waste another Saturday trying to weed through it all.

And that, my dear friends, is why U-Haul and therapists make so much money.