I didn't realize I hadn't written since March. It's been kind of a wacky year and I guess I just haven't been in the mood.
"The Urge" hasn't really struck me to write, the funny ideas have popped in randomly, but I haven't been in the mindset to follow through.
I'm slowly rediscovering my urge. It's been awhile since my muse struck, as I said, and sometimes life's stresses will take a toll. But that's alright... it happens to us all.
The muse isn't exactly striking, but the urge to write *is*, and that can't be ignored. At least not with me. If the urge is there, it usually means that the ideas aren't far behind. Until then, I think I'll just write about what I'm not writing about and let it flow from there.
Could be another installment of "Anatomy of a Crappy Song"... could be something pop-culturey... I guess we'll see. If I'd remembered to watch Dancing With The Stars, I could give you 3 paragraphs on Bristol Palin alone. And of course, The Hoff. Ohhhhh the wealth of material that lies with The Hoff... it boggles. However, he got booted in week one, so I guess that's the joke in and of itself, with no help from me. Thanks, Hoff. You saved me a little bit of work here. But at the same time, you robbed me of about 16 good 'drunken cheeseburger-eating while doing the tango and wearing the Baywatch speedo' jokes.
That wasn't funny. Pardon me while I scrape some more of this rust off.
So, I'm in search of topics. I'm taking suggestions, by the way.
I can't do news and politics because... well, I just don't read or watch the news all that much anymore. Isn't that sad? But I just can't do it. Almost everything in the media lately ticks me off so much that I can't even tolerate listening to it anymore. I hear it all day long in my office with the Glenn Beck talk radio, and that's about enough to make anyone want to give themselves at-home Lasik surgery with a spork, so that's out.
I can't write about current events or whatever current celebrities happen to be going crazy because I honestly don't know what's going on out there. Again... TV is my enemy. I'm so much happier watching TV shows from the good old days on DVD than I am weeding through a bunch of reality trash like American Idol and Jersey Shore (p.s. are you KIDDING me with that Jersey Shore? I mean... really?). Let me have my "Friends", "Big Love", "Alf" (yes, you heard me, I said "Alf") and Star Trek: TNG, and keep all these insane reality shows the hell away from me.
I can't do sports because I don't watch football or basketball. Football, I just don't understand (I'm not an idiot, I just really don't care that much, so anyone who has ever tried to explain it to me might just as well have been speaking French) and basketball is just intolerable.
I only watch hockey. And really, just how funny and interesting can you be talking about hockey? Not very. Other than the part where I tell you how much fun it is to watch 12 guys at a time bash the intestines out of each other while chasing a little black rubber disk, there isn't much else to say about it.
I don't want to write about the holidays because it's only September, but what I could write about is how I've about had it up to *here* with talk of Christmas because it's only September. It started on September 8th, with the family emails about Christmas Eve dinner (yeah Christine, I know, you have to plan ahead... you and I will just have to agree to disagree on the definition of "plan ahead"... LMAO!). Two days after that... "December 11th is the Christmas party, keep that day open..." Ok, fine... I wrote it down. I'll bother back with it on December 1st. Fair? Yes. A week later, the Christmas trees went up at Woodfield Mall.
By next week, I bet those stupid giant light up things will be erected over in Rosemont and I'll have to look at that every day for 3 months. You know the ones I mean, the ones you can see from 90 (and probably the moon), and I bet you all are as sick of those dumb things as I am. I don't think they've changed that setup in my lifetime.
I ain't even carved a mofo pumpkin yet! There are probably still a few 70-degree days left and I'd like to try to enjoy them without visions of sugarplums dancing in my head, thank you very much.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not a grinch, not by any means. I like the holidays and the food and the joy and the love and the whole family being together thing. I really do. I wouldn't trade my family's awesome Christmas Eves for anything and I look forward to it muchly.
I just don't feel like laying out cookies and milk for that jolly fat bastard in September. If I hear one more word about Christmas before November 15th, I swear, I'll slip Santa a mickey and he won't even make it to all y'alls houses, and your little ankle-biters are gonna get shafted. So keep it up with the Christmas jazz and we'll just see!
If you must inundate me with Christmas images so early in the year, then can I please make just one request?
Please bring back that old commercial from the 80s where Santa goes snowmobiling on a giant Norelco shaver. I always used to like that one.
The rest... make like a candy cane and get bent. :-P (joke!)
I have better things to do, such as search for blog topics.
Thank you and good day, sirs.
"The Urge" hasn't really struck me to write, the funny ideas have popped in randomly, but I haven't been in the mindset to follow through.
I'm slowly rediscovering my urge. It's been awhile since my muse struck, as I said, and sometimes life's stresses will take a toll. But that's alright... it happens to us all.
The muse isn't exactly striking, but the urge to write *is*, and that can't be ignored. At least not with me. If the urge is there, it usually means that the ideas aren't far behind. Until then, I think I'll just write about what I'm not writing about and let it flow from there.
Could be another installment of "Anatomy of a Crappy Song"... could be something pop-culturey... I guess we'll see. If I'd remembered to watch Dancing With The Stars, I could give you 3 paragraphs on Bristol Palin alone. And of course, The Hoff. Ohhhhh the wealth of material that lies with The Hoff... it boggles. However, he got booted in week one, so I guess that's the joke in and of itself, with no help from me. Thanks, Hoff. You saved me a little bit of work here. But at the same time, you robbed me of about 16 good 'drunken cheeseburger-eating while doing the tango and wearing the Baywatch speedo' jokes.
That wasn't funny. Pardon me while I scrape some more of this rust off.
So, I'm in search of topics. I'm taking suggestions, by the way.
I can't do news and politics because... well, I just don't read or watch the news all that much anymore. Isn't that sad? But I just can't do it. Almost everything in the media lately ticks me off so much that I can't even tolerate listening to it anymore. I hear it all day long in my office with the Glenn Beck talk radio, and that's about enough to make anyone want to give themselves at-home Lasik surgery with a spork, so that's out.
I can't write about current events or whatever current celebrities happen to be going crazy because I honestly don't know what's going on out there. Again... TV is my enemy. I'm so much happier watching TV shows from the good old days on DVD than I am weeding through a bunch of reality trash like American Idol and Jersey Shore (p.s. are you KIDDING me with that Jersey Shore? I mean... really?). Let me have my "Friends", "Big Love", "Alf" (yes, you heard me, I said "Alf") and Star Trek: TNG, and keep all these insane reality shows the hell away from me.
I can't do sports because I don't watch football or basketball. Football, I just don't understand (I'm not an idiot, I just really don't care that much, so anyone who has ever tried to explain it to me might just as well have been speaking French) and basketball is just intolerable.
I only watch hockey. And really, just how funny and interesting can you be talking about hockey? Not very. Other than the part where I tell you how much fun it is to watch 12 guys at a time bash the intestines out of each other while chasing a little black rubber disk, there isn't much else to say about it.
I don't want to write about the holidays because it's only September, but what I could write about is how I've about had it up to *here* with talk of Christmas because it's only September. It started on September 8th, with the family emails about Christmas Eve dinner (yeah Christine, I know, you have to plan ahead... you and I will just have to agree to disagree on the definition of "plan ahead"... LMAO!). Two days after that... "December 11th is the Christmas party, keep that day open..." Ok, fine... I wrote it down. I'll bother back with it on December 1st. Fair? Yes. A week later, the Christmas trees went up at Woodfield Mall.
By next week, I bet those stupid giant light up things will be erected over in Rosemont and I'll have to look at that every day for 3 months. You know the ones I mean, the ones you can see from 90 (and probably the moon), and I bet you all are as sick of those dumb things as I am. I don't think they've changed that setup in my lifetime.
I ain't even carved a mofo pumpkin yet! There are probably still a few 70-degree days left and I'd like to try to enjoy them without visions of sugarplums dancing in my head, thank you very much.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not a grinch, not by any means. I like the holidays and the food and the joy and the love and the whole family being together thing. I really do. I wouldn't trade my family's awesome Christmas Eves for anything and I look forward to it muchly.
I just don't feel like laying out cookies and milk for that jolly fat bastard in September. If I hear one more word about Christmas before November 15th, I swear, I'll slip Santa a mickey and he won't even make it to all y'alls houses, and your little ankle-biters are gonna get shafted. So keep it up with the Christmas jazz and we'll just see!
If you must inundate me with Christmas images so early in the year, then can I please make just one request?
Please bring back that old commercial from the 80s where Santa goes snowmobiling on a giant Norelco shaver. I always used to like that one.
The rest... make like a candy cane and get bent. :-P (joke!)
I have better things to do, such as search for blog topics.
Thank you and good day, sirs.
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