Yes. #2 and 3 are still missing. All one of my readers already read them, so they can wait.
I have a problem. The other day on the radio, I heard the most crappingly awful song ever and it's still in my head, so I'm taking all of my frustration out on you people foor no good reason by writing about it so that you all will get this shit stuck in your heads too.
In the summer of 1997, we were inflicted with one of the most awful songs ever (unless you count "Rollercoaster Baby" by one Jon Leonard Friga, aka Jon Cain, aka "This guy helped write "Don't Stop Believin'"? You're friggin' kidding me?!").
That's right. "MMMBop" by Hanson.
Is it "MMMBop" or "MmmBop"?
"Mmm Bop"? "Mmmbop"?
Anyway... what's the problem I have, you ask? This song is super shitty, but by golly, it's catchy! You almost couldn't help enjoy it for a minute! The other problem? You couldn't so much as blink without hearing this crummy piece of musical feces coming from one direction or another.
Guitarist Isaac Hanson, then 16, drummer Zac Hanson, then 11 and their sister, keyboardist and lead singer, Taylor Hanson, then 13... very cute little pop act, and man, that little Zac could pound on those drums! I wish I had talent like tha-
What?
Taylor is a boy?
Hmm. Well, I'll be.
Alright. Well, I did some research...
"MMMBop" was one of the biggest debut singles of all time; it reached number one in 27 countries, including the United States, the UK, Germany and Austrailia; in the UK, the song sold 710,000 copies and stayed at number one for 3 weeks. It was voted the best single of the year in The Village Voice Pazz & Jop critics poll, while also topping critics' polls from such media as Rolling Stone, Spin and VH1. "MMMBop" was nominated for two Grammys at the 40th Annual Grammy Awards in February 1998. It was the band's most successful single to date; MMMBop also ranks #20 on VH1's "100 Greatest Songs of the 90s."
Seriously?
TWO Grammys? Ok, well, at least it didn't win.
Let's try to find out why.
"MMMBop" - Hanson
Oh oh oh oh oh
Yeah
You have so many relationships in this life
Only one or two will last
You go through all the pain and strife
Hold on, Hometown. You're 13. What "pain and strife"?
Well, people thought you were a girl, that had to suck, I'll give you that one...
But you kind of asked for it with that hair.
Pain and strife? You lost your extra Sega Genesis controller?
Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast
Oh yeah...And they're gone so fast, yeah
So hold on the ones who really care
In the end they'll be the only ones there
And when you get old and start losing your hair
You're 13!! This isn't going to be a problem for a good 35 years or more.
Dude... worry about wet dreams and Geometry class first.
Tell me who will still care
Can you tell me who will still care?
Your shrink will, because he's going to drive one hell of a sweet car thanks to your prematurely developed neuroses about losing your hair and getting old. Go eat an Oreo and relax a minute.
Oh oh, who'll caaaaa-aaare
Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du
I don't really think that's exactly what they're singing, but you know what, after the 17,000th time, it doesn't even matter anymore.
Yeah Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du....Yeah
Oh yeah...In an Mmmbop they're gone
"In an Mmmbop"? Alright, I'm pretty good at using context to firgure out meanings, so an mmmbop is like a 'blink' or a 'flash'? "In a flash they're gone"?
Yeah yeah
Oh. Ok cool, thanks, Taylor.
Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose
Not helping the girlie thing, Taylor. Not helping.
You can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows
That seems like it would take a ridiculously long time.
Can't I just read the seed packet?
It's a secret no one knows
It's a secret no one knows
Oh ohhhh, no one know-ooows
*I* know. I read the packet.
It was a hydrangea. You guys were way off.
Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du, yeah
Mmmboppa dopp dop doodie doo dip dop dooba dop da doooo.
Skibbity bip dibbity doop deep boop bebop de diddle dup dup BEEP.
Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du, yeah
Yertlety turtlety tip top be bop boing boing bip.
I can write nonsensical shit too!
Where's MY goddamn Grammy nommy nom nom dee doop... oh crap. I'm stuck.
In an mmmbop they're gone
In an mmm bop they're not there
In an mmmbop they're gone
In an mmm bop they're not there
(repeat for about 2 straight minutes...)
Can you tell me? oh No you can't 'cause you don't know
Can you tell me? oh You say you can but you don't know
Can you tell me? oh (Which flower's going to grow?)
Read the packet!!
No you can't 'cause you don't know
Yes I do!!
Can you tell me? oh (If it's going to be a daisy or a rose?)
You say you can but you don't know
Can you tell me? oh (which flower's going to grow?)
No you can't 'cause you don't know
Can you tell me? oh (You say you can but you don't know
(repeat 628 x, then add another 412 "mmmbops" and repeat to fade)
May you all have this sheepshit stuck in head for the next 3 days like I have. Good day.
No comments:
Post a Comment