I really have to start traveling with a notebook and pen, and I have to make a solid effort to stop whatever I'm doing and write down some of the stuff I overhear in public. I'm missing out on so many opportunities for comedy gold by not being prepared.
Some things are just so insane that you can't possibly forget them. These are the things that make you stop whatever it is you're doing and just stare. And blink. And stare some more, because whatever the thing was, it was so damn stupid that you can't believe it just happened and you have to replay it in your head right on the spot. Then you have to check with people around you... "Did he just say...?" "No, really, did I just hear...?" "No, I'm serious, was that real?"
Such was the case last night at Steak N' Shake.
Even if you don't have them where you live, or haven't been to one, the main points of the place are right in the title. but I'll briefly run it down for you... Steakburgers, Shakes, 50s diner decor... basically, it's fast food that you can sit in and eat (booths and servers, not a McDs type thing) or you can get it take out or hit the drive through. Nothing formal.
So I'm sitting there with my friend...
and p.s. - I notice whenever stuff like this happens, I am always the one sitting on the side of the booth where I am facing the people I'm overhearing, so I can't make faces and comments when they utter very stupid things. It's not fair. I hate behaving.
Anyway, the server comes to take our order and she gives the little speech about their current promotion, as she is directed to do, and informed us they they were offering Kool-Aid Shakes and the available flavors were grape and tropical punch.
I can't say I wasn't briefly intrigued, but I'm not totally sure I want to know what Kool-Aid and milk tastes like together, so I chose Diet Coke.
Well, several minutes later, 2 young girls stupided their way into the restaurant and were placed at the booth behind my friend. And of course, the stupider of the two was on the far side, facing me... I'll call her Boxo (my sister's name for people who are "dumber than a box o' rocks").
Well, their server approached, and he gave them the same offer of Kool-Aid Shakes that our server gave us. The outcome was a bit different.
Server: "Blah blah blah Kool-Aid Shakes and the flavors are grape or tropical punch."
Boxo: "Kool-Aid Shake... what's in that?"
Me: *Blink* *Stare*
Server: (explains Kool-Aid Shake)
Boxo: "Oh. Well... do you have just regular Kool-Aid?"
I had an inner conniption fit. Come on, you people know me... you have to know how hard it was to sit there and hear that and not get up and say "No, Boxo, they don't have *just* Kool-Aid. They pour it in the Shakes then they THROW THE REST AWAY."
Believe me, there was more to this, but I don't remember most of it because hearing exchanges like that makes my IQ drop and I haven't recovered yet.
Though a bit later, the server returned, and I didn't hear what he specifically said, because unlike Boxo, he spoke in a normal tone. Boxo was not at all shy about flashing her short bus pass. It was something about a beverage and I heard the words "sweet tea".
Boxo: "Yeah but I like it more sweeter."
I weep for the future.
So in starting to relate this story to another friend, I was pointed to the direction of the following blog:
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/
I'm all over this now. Because I know these are real. You read this stuff and think "No way, that's made up!"
No. Someone really said that. It is a world full of Boxos out there. I'll prove it... I don't even need to explain the background or the context with this one... this comment tells the whole story all by itself and I promise, it's real...
"It's not so much a window as it is a... big pane of glass."
I should have the victim of that one submit that to "Overheard in New York". They won't know it was heard in Chicago. They can't check. We'll put one over on them but good.
*Blink* *Stare*
Nope. IQ not recovered yet. Try again tomorrow.
Some things are just so insane that you can't possibly forget them. These are the things that make you stop whatever it is you're doing and just stare. And blink. And stare some more, because whatever the thing was, it was so damn stupid that you can't believe it just happened and you have to replay it in your head right on the spot. Then you have to check with people around you... "Did he just say...?" "No, really, did I just hear...?" "No, I'm serious, was that real?"
Such was the case last night at Steak N' Shake.
Even if you don't have them where you live, or haven't been to one, the main points of the place are right in the title. but I'll briefly run it down for you... Steakburgers, Shakes, 50s diner decor... basically, it's fast food that you can sit in and eat (booths and servers, not a McDs type thing) or you can get it take out or hit the drive through. Nothing formal.
So I'm sitting there with my friend...
and p.s. - I notice whenever stuff like this happens, I am always the one sitting on the side of the booth where I am facing the people I'm overhearing, so I can't make faces and comments when they utter very stupid things. It's not fair. I hate behaving.
Anyway, the server comes to take our order and she gives the little speech about their current promotion, as she is directed to do, and informed us they they were offering Kool-Aid Shakes and the available flavors were grape and tropical punch.
I can't say I wasn't briefly intrigued, but I'm not totally sure I want to know what Kool-Aid and milk tastes like together, so I chose Diet Coke.
Well, several minutes later, 2 young girls stupided their way into the restaurant and were placed at the booth behind my friend. And of course, the stupider of the two was on the far side, facing me... I'll call her Boxo (my sister's name for people who are "dumber than a box o' rocks").
Well, their server approached, and he gave them the same offer of Kool-Aid Shakes that our server gave us. The outcome was a bit different.
Server: "Blah blah blah Kool-Aid Shakes and the flavors are grape or tropical punch."
Boxo: "Kool-Aid Shake... what's in that?"
Me: *Blink* *Stare*
Server: (explains Kool-Aid Shake)
Boxo: "Oh. Well... do you have just regular Kool-Aid?"
I had an inner conniption fit. Come on, you people know me... you have to know how hard it was to sit there and hear that and not get up and say "No, Boxo, they don't have *just* Kool-Aid. They pour it in the Shakes then they THROW THE REST AWAY."
Believe me, there was more to this, but I don't remember most of it because hearing exchanges like that makes my IQ drop and I haven't recovered yet.
Though a bit later, the server returned, and I didn't hear what he specifically said, because unlike Boxo, he spoke in a normal tone. Boxo was not at all shy about flashing her short bus pass. It was something about a beverage and I heard the words "sweet tea".
Boxo: "Yeah but I like it more sweeter."
I weep for the future.
So in starting to relate this story to another friend, I was pointed to the direction of the following blog:
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/
I'm all over this now. Because I know these are real. You read this stuff and think "No way, that's made up!"
No. Someone really said that. It is a world full of Boxos out there. I'll prove it... I don't even need to explain the background or the context with this one... this comment tells the whole story all by itself and I promise, it's real...
"It's not so much a window as it is a... big pane of glass."
I should have the victim of that one submit that to "Overheard in New York". They won't know it was heard in Chicago. They can't check. We'll put one over on them but good.
*Blink* *Stare*
Nope. IQ not recovered yet. Try again tomorrow.
